Permanent Cessation

I would burn this blog to ashes if I could and as a gesture spread about the residue symbolic of an inglorious end. I can’t elude my own memory nor escape the sharp taste and although she is patient and encourages to me that this is a healing process, I also can’t quell my uneasy state of mind that eventually she will feel a hurried agitation brought on by my insecure and overwhelming fear of extreme exposure. Apprehension and guilt.  I grasp at my own intellect and my contemplation of things without the ability to affirm to myself. She does not pass judgment and denotes nothing of my nakedness. An alarm springs up from a sense of uneasiness rising from my perceived idea that she will eventually tire of my excessive ranting at hand.  Tell me those fears should live far away in a distant land or beyond the most remote stars. It is difficult at times to break loose from the confinement when your life is a chess game and no more moves can be taken.  A true stalemate.  A leakage and gradual effusion from this enclosure will someday occur and eventually I know over time things will begin to pass unobserved.  

~ by loriebeam on June 13, 2008.